November 17, 2011

Sons vs. Daughters

Since we were supposed to find out the baby's gender last week, the topic has been on my mind a lot lately.  Too bad the little stinker wouldn't cooperate and show us the goods.
Anyway, before I had kids, I would have said my ideal number of kids was two, one boy and one girl, the boy being first.  I think a lot of people probably think that way.  It's like having a complete set or something.  Obviously, I did not end up with a son first.  When they announced that it was a girl, I was too preoccupied with making sure that she was okay (remember, I had had an emergency c-section) to really think about the gender.  Without all that drama, would I have been disappointed?  Or just excited to finally meet the little one?  I guess it doesn't matter because she was mine and I've loved her ever since.  
Now I can't imagine anything different.  How glad I am that Eggy turned out to be a girl!  Girl clothes are so much cuter!  (Sorry but boy clothes are only cute up to a certain age and I'm not really into puppies or monkeys or dinosaurs.)  And I've never been surprised with a stream of urine to the face during a diaper change.  So this time, I want another girl. I really really really want Eggy to have a sister.  I have a sister so I want Eggy to have that same kind of relationship with her sibling, fights and all.  And of course I'd get to recycle all of Eggy's old clothes again and buy even more cute clothes!
But here's the biggest thing.  What's that saying?  A son is a son until he gets married but a daughter is a daughter forever.  It's totally true.  If I have a son, he'll grow up, get married, and have his own family.  His wife will be #1 in his life as it should be and I'll be the mother-in-law.  (My own mother-in-law is great and the hubs has a good relationship with her but what if I turn into that psycho mother-in-law?)  But your daughter will always stay with you.  When she has her family, she'll probably need you more even.  I know that once I had Eggy, I grew closer to my mom because I felt I had a better understanding of her and a much greater appreciation for everything she's done for me.   

I must sound really selfish and petty.  After all, if I had had a son first, I'd probably be saying something totally different.  Most of our friends have boys and they're all so adorable.  I should just be glad that I'm pregnant with a healthy (so far, knock on wood) baby, no matter what the gender.  And I am.  And I'm sure I'll be excited and thrilled when the baby is finally here, boy or girl, but I can't help hoping and wishing.  At least, I already have one girl and she really is the bestest.  I don't know what I'd do if I had two (or more) sons.  No offense to moms of only boys.  You guys are the toughest moms I know; I just don't think I could be that tough.  
I also think because Eggy was a relatively easy baby (even now, she's so good!) that I'm hoping the second one, if it's a girl, will be similar.  But I don't think we can be that lucky twice.  If the first one is good, the second one has to be high maintenance, right?  Maybe I'm not just hoping for another girl but Eggy 2.0.  
I'm pretty sure I just jinxed myself with a colicky, high maintenance, fussy baby boy who will pee on me every chance he gets because of all my complaining.  The universe is just waiting to give me a bitch slap.  Actually, I just need to read this and I'll hit myself for being such a whiner.  Then, I'll go give Eggy a big hug. 

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